Feeling

Lately, I have a feeling that I, myself can't describe it. It's really annoying. A feeling that would kill me slowly...
There is sadness inside the happiness. I smile to everyone, but I can't enjoy it. I try to be positive..Yes, I enjoy it..for while.. when I come back to my room, my little world..the feeling will come back too..a kind of lonely..lonely?? I think my life is still okay compare to some peoples, I know I know...but it still bothers me..I have friends, families... Boyfriend? Hmm..Im not looking for a bf now, it will just waste my time, and my money too...enough enough!! What kind of this feeling?? I hate to pretend that I am okay..but of course I also don't like to 'buat muka taik!!' I am adult..I try to solve everything like an adult.. tears won't help me..Damn!!! I really don't know how to get over this BULL**** feeling!!!